Even the happiest couples argue and disagree from time to time. It’s not possible to interact with someone so regularly and not have blow-ups or disagreements from time to time. In truth, if arguments don’t crop up sometimes, then someone isn’t being real or honest in the relationship…one of you is being a phony “yes man” or “yes woman.”
But what’s the difference between couples who let some of these arguments destroy or end their relationships and those couples who bounce back from some of the worst moments?
The difference is that those couples who stick together often have a great deal of compassion for each other – whether they know it or not.
When their partner explodes on them (seemingly out of nowhere), they often realize it’s because their partner is overwhelmed, or maybe they’re just tired or having a tough day…it happens to all of us. They don’t like it, but they get it.
Often, these explosions are not even related to or reflect your partner’s personality…they are just natural reactions for anyone in that particular “space” at that time (whether they’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed). Rather than concluding that this person is “bad” or “stupid” we all need to reach within and realize that under similar circumstances (including similar biochemistry in that moment) we might behave exactly the same way.
Of course, understanding doesn’t mean that we don’t lovingly inform our partner that there is potentially another way to see this moment…another way to exist.
A way that is far more empowering and positive than the lens they are looking through right now. As half of a couple (we are each half in our couples) it’s our right and our duty to pick up the other person…to help elevate him or her in every way we can so they can evolve and be an even better lover, partner, and friend to us. A better person next time similar moments come to pass.
Within a couple we are synergistic…strength on one end helps the other so we must constantly lift each other up so the couple itself (both within and outside the couple) can be strong, radiant, and truly happy.
But so often we ourselves are somewhat tired or overwhelmed with our own issues and instead view our partner’s similar behavioral manifestations as “wrong” and as deficits in character (rather than extending to them the same compassion we have for ourselves).
So next time the person you love snaps at you out of nowhere, ask what’s wrong…what’s stressing them out and take a few minutes to strengthen them in that situation so they can move forward with hope, strength, and grace rather than in a space that leads them to snap at people (meaning they are not happy it that moment, as they should be in order to win over on the issue they might be facing).
Next time you’re ready to snap at the usually loving partner who just snapped at you, remember in those key moments to have compassion for your partner…and together you shall both rise higher each day because of it.